Wander (2010​-​2013)

by I Am The Only

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about

Music video for Strings & Spokes: vimeo.com/195685738

This album is a collection of songs written and recorded between winter 2010 and autumn 2013. They have taken a long time to reach your ears and I hope that you enjoy them.

credits

released July 27, 2015

Produced by Aisling Jarvis and Euan Murphy

All songs written by Euan Murphy

I Am The Only is:

Euan Murphy — lyrics, vocals, acoustic guitar
Aisling Jarvis — keys, vocals
Steven Browne — bass
Tim Cooke — electric guitar (rhythm and lead)
Kyle Frohna — drums
Michael Cribbin — keys, banjo
Eve Kelly — violin

Special thanks to the following for helping out on individual tracks:

Ruairí Roantree — trumpet
Barry Carroll — lead guitar
Tim Jarvis — cello
Andrew Carroll - rhythm guitar
Paul Jarvis, Simone Collins, Sadhbh O'Brien, Vadim Clyne-Kelly, Nicola Kearon, Geoff Kearon, Lauren Cassidy, Beth Adams, Ellie Thompson-Tubridy, Pilar Martín-Villa — group vocals

A further thanks to the entire Jarvis family, as well as everyone who has helped me out with my music throughout the years. Thank you to the people who inspired me to write these songs, and to the people who continue to inspire me each day.

Final shout out to my family cos they're the best.

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I Am The Only Dublin, Ireland

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Track Name: Strings & Spokes
I'm not that sad today
My strings and spokes keep me afloat
And words that I won't say are making ground
I'll trace the road and find if the patterns match those in my mind

Niamh broke down one night
We kissed between two doors, but nowadays she seems alright
We're not as close, but who really cares
When we can laugh at ourselves we know we'll be fine

Much like that time when we were riding bikes and you told me i was good at exploring
Now i'm on my way and I'm thinking 'god, I hope she's right'

I've been writing down my dreams of living in suburbia
Another nameless street with woods behind my house
I'll stray all night
You'll find me shouting down car headlights

I'll cry from the windows 'my life has value', but here it can't be shown
Let's flee this place, not pay our taxes, and maybe we'll find something worth running from

Maybe without my phone I wouldn't feel so at loss with all the things making other people happy
And I can live in Vermont cos I know that David got it right
Track Name: I Wrote This Song On Napkins
I'll start my day at breakfast tables, sleepy eyed from nine 'til three
My doctor says I'm in perfect health, but my brother don't agree
He says that I should eat less shit, I tell him he should read
But at night he's sleeping soundly, while I can barely breathe
My mother she's a dealer, but she works under the law
She'll tally up my points and then evaluate my flaws
While my father's in the garden, killing slugs I'd tried to save
Nine years have passed since I saw him cry and decided to behave

My teachers swore they won't forget me, but I doubt that it's true
Twenty years in the same job, good luck if they remember you
And my girlfriend swears she's leaving, can't wait to ditch this town
Says she hates a good friend of mine and, fuck, it brings me down
But to be honest I'm surviving
And I'm trying my best to keep my head above this water that's been rising past my chest
See I wrote this song on napkins, first with ink and then with lead
Making money in a cafe for an industry long dead

There's nothing that I'm more proud of
Than the words I've learned to say
Though at times it's not that easy, but I will sing my problems away

See I've got this friend named Hollie, who's not happy with her place
While Fionn's back to his old self, with a smile on his pretty face
Niamh fears she's been left out, and Rory's staying strong
Paul and Cathleen are still much in love, while Callum just wants a song

The faces get more seldom, but I need to grab hold
To the figures that still mean the world, from now until I'm old
Cos one day I will be falling, lucklessly, without a rope
So gather friends, cos what will save me will be you
Track Name: The Swell
If a liner explodes in the sea, will we all get lost in the swell?
And if the wave reaches us, would I risk my life for you or just protect myself?
Swim through rising tides of rubble and mud to save you
Oh forget it, I'll sit atop my house, singing songs as I watch the water hit

I just want to know if I'm a poet, or if I'm just overrated
Because as things go, my one fan must be deaf or stupid
Cos I feel that I'm not worth your time at all
I'm hoping finally I'll see, if this is where I want to be

How can I let these songs dictate how I'm viewed by the world?
When I can't even articulate how I feel at the end of a film, or a season of Girls
Should we give it up? Is it just bad luck?
Cos heaven knows that we have been here before
We're watching two brothers play the main stages
While standing in line, shouting 'I want to be famous'
Track Name: Waste Our Time
Wasting time in our winter clothes, keep the pacing slow
Hot on the heels of nights I've slept through
Fill the space in our empty hands, I never wanted to be that
You questioned my colours, I promise it rang true

Trick myself into thinking of all the ways we could start this
Deep in the knowledge that all this time I had my chances laid out in rows, neatly organised
I just wanted to wander, but never explained why

Is this what we wanted?
Hold back the words I'll never say
Been taking this for granted
Our frozen footsteps mark the way to the end of the road, it seems
But I swear we can make it out of this

Dig my fingers down into my splintered, broken ribs
A cage that I'll keep all of my thoughts trapped in
Cos if they escape and I succeed, I'll no longer want this now I'm free
And you will be hurt more than I have ever been

I'll pray that this selfish figment branches out
But I have spent all my days waiting for another night, where we can waste our time again
Block it out, and be your friend
But there's a question in my throat, 'Is this right?'
Is this right?
Track Name: The Method
I'm fading in, fading out of a blue haze
Nothing here can phase me
Riding out on a ghost train

I'm gonna take, take out all of my pain
Waste away with a used vein
Sleep through the cruel days

I'll talk to god
I'll settle a blood pact
Just let me reach out and float away

Reflected in mirrors, cut through me like scissors
It's trickling down, bleeding without a sound
The bugs on the walls, under my skin they crawl
Roll back into my sockets
It's too far, I've lost it
Track Name: I Wandered Home Saying Your Name
I'll pretend that I can stand and see you alone
Talking your mouth to anyone who will listen to you
Sirens and flashing lights are flooding this room
Drink myself 'til I am blind, but god, you look beautiful
My words are fumbling, pouring onto the floor
The white noise is washing out, yet our words never seemed this clear
The space between sun and moon is closed in eclipse
You're lost in the moment and I'm so lost in you

By morning you'll forget, and I'll try desperate to recall
Hold onto a moment that seems less and less logical
The air the day after hangs too heavy to hold
A glitter-soaked photo frame of my distant memories
I'll hang the paintings in the hall
None of them can capture images caught in hazy eyes
It's all too sharp, how I miss the blur
I could find the words back then, where are they now?

I'll pretend to understand, why it didn't work out in the end
Track Name: Mushrooms
I don't want to wander anymore, I'll just make the trip to yours from work today
Spend my week romanticising all about that time we spent between two trains
Learning how to fall asleep by morning, with the sun up, and a sober head
Meanwhile you don't even remember how we talked and lay together in your twin-sized bed
Next to a wall of faces I don't know

So I fed through a lead to your neighbours' TV
You know, the one that faces out their front window
And I'll sit here all day, hoping you come my way
I can't justify the answer, when you said that you would rather just stay home

My parents fear I fell in with the wrong crowd, but these antics don't make me scared
Meanwhile I can't tell if those mushrooms even worked, or if I was just happy to be there
Out on the road where we were laughing, from the afternoon to the evening, hiding from the rain
Since I've got home I've been a mess, feeling constantly upset
I haven't been the same
Maybe it's withdrawal symptoms, or they've really fucked with my brain
Track Name: Sleep Paralysis
I've been dreaming, I've been scared
Bitter from the cold night air
Move through waterfalls and hospitals
The corridors, I'm dreaming
I've been feeling let down, under this steel, cold crown
I've been sinking a line for all this time
I'll never find anything that's mine
When your body's finally found, you've made a home in the ground
If the long corridors lie, you'll fade into the night
Track Name: Treehouse
I know a guy who's wild, who was touched by his uncle as a child
It didn't fuck him up, but it made things very hard for him when he was changing size
Didn't get along well with other guys
And knew he wasn't gay, but didn't know how he could prove it

Nowadays he's well, but if he ever saw his uncle
Hell, he wouldn't lay a finger, wouldn't bother speak his name
He'd just take out a photograph of a little boy, aged nine subtract a year or two
And tell the man "I hope that you're ashamed
Cos what you did was wrong, and now it's written in a song
Of how you felt up your own nephew, when he was just this age
And if I was a weaker dude, I may have lost it all and blew my brains out on the carpet in a fit of saddened rage
But I will live another day, lucky for you I am brave
And I'll live in a treehouse, up there with all my friends
Friends who won't know who you are, or of the things that left me scarred
And I won't know the day when you come to your timely end"

So as I said, this boy is wild, undefined by his troubled childhood
And we sing together in our home up in the trees
Songs sung best when sung aloud
Sung with friends who love it how we will laugh forever, cos we know that we are free
Track Name: Photo Albums
I don't wanna be here, my friend
Can't bear to struggle through to the end
But it will be a while 'til we're both here again
Regretting this time ill spent

Help take a little weight from your mind
Skin shedding, all left out to try
If we're all newborns why aren't we prepared to cry
Or maybe we are and I'm just blind

So I'll walk this road
Back to the very source
To see how it begins

The faces etched in my brain
Sandstone worn down to the grain
The palette's smooth these days, but every time it rains I grow more distant, eyes glazed

Hang on to the notes in my words
All the melodies I wish I'd heard
In three years all my photos will be burnt
But I won't be here that much I've learnt

So I'll walk this road
Back to the very source
And I'll lose my way
I can't be saved

Every time I close my eyes
The notes I'd taken begin to fall from their lines
To my friends and family, you need not take care of me
Let me float away, I'll be alright

I don't wanna lay here, my friend
Can't bear to struggle through to the end
But I'm not something that you'd want to defend
I'm just another crack in a lens
Track Name: Maddie, I'm Too Scared To Drive
We ran over a cat today
The bump in the road felt dull, and I questioned what it all meant
We put the car into reverse, to inspect the broken bones, and together lost our innocence
Nobody said a word, cos the brakelights said them all for us
"Where do we go now? How can we move on?"

We hid the body right away, to the spot that will become its home
Looking out into the wilderness
We kept the verses short and sweet
Simple words for an ugly scene
No spaces left for apologies, it's not as if this cat can hear me

It just seems so absurd how I never got to hear your purr
Just your fragile body shaking, right before we started braking
And I'll never feel your bite, or your fur as you nestle by my side
I'm awake, but I wish I was dreaming
Keeping my four paws on the ground

So I'ma go and ride my bike
Cos god knows, I'm too scared to drive
Pass the feline on the bonnet of the car around the corner, I think I'll give it a name
I don't care that I'm allergic
It's a curse I'll have to live with
And my granddad he's the same
I'll take the pills and try hard not to complain

My cousins' died today
I heard the news, they're in a bad way
Buried deep at the foot of the garden
I'm there, and I've already started digging
And I swear I feel your bite, as I'm losing sleep all through the night
I'm awake, but I wish I was dreaming
Keeping my four paws on the ground

Twenty-seven died today in Connecticut, twenty were kids
And I'm losing sleep over this feline in a song

It just seems so absurd, how I never got to hear your purr
Just the sound of your neck breaking
Now my body's violently shaking
And I long to feel your bite, and your fur as you nestle by my side
It's been driving me mad, ever since I ran over that cat
Track Name: Self-Centered
You won't hear this, cos your happiness is the only song you'll need

(I'm not as self-centered as I used to be, but more self-centered than I'd like to be
You're no saint, despite the fact that I have sinned
I can't take back those things I did, but God, it tears me up everyday
You took a lot out of me, despite the fact that I have done this to myself
I'm destroying myself
And when there's nothing left in me I will escape all the lies that are cutting a line through my chest
I guess that I'm saying sorry)
Track Name: Into The Wild
Mountain ranges silhouette into the sun, I'll set foot in my home again
Leaving everything behind was all I had in mind to let my life begin
Let the details disappear it's not as if you could see them anyway
All this depth was nothing more than background in the theatres that you escaped

Change my name, erase my person, hide amongst this empty space and never leave
This mask it sets out to belong, like sharpened flint, the sparks jump from their necks like fleas
Those that think they're puppeteers are paper dolls, their lives will be torn to shreds
While seeing less than silhouettes of mountain ranges, I'll set foot in my home again

Judge myself and those around me, morals serve their purpose in the roles we play
Ridden of materials, I wouldn't care to exist any other way
Finding company in scripted characters, I've made home in the books I've read
Why do my folks need me to help them burn the bridges in the lives they've led?

I'll be going back to where I belong, footloose bound by freedom
To hear the ancient song of my planet as I greet her
I'll be needing shelter for the night
When I return into the wild

(I've always wanted to discover the deep end, cos this life's too shallow)

Watch a river flow and it changes direction, upstream
I never really wanted to fit in
I'm strong, but I don't need power
Born free, but I never had a place to go
Another notch in my belt, boy, I'm wasting away
Cast out, the snow's always the envy of summer
Every jumped without falling back down
What's the use of the air if I have no one to share with

I'm in my favourite place
This little bus is the home I've made
I'm in my favourite place
Calling everything by its real name
I'm in my favourite place
This magic bus is the home I've made
My final resting place
I wouldn't care to have it any other way